– Henry David Thoreau
Day 3: Your first love
Oh dear I’m almost afraid to post this… I can talk about most things that I have said or done, but this one always makes me cringe. Most people who’ve known me while growing up already know who this was and how it went, but for the rest of you out there… my first love was this kid, in the picture, wearing the white shirt, with the long hair:
Why this guy? Honestly, I couldn’t tell ya. He was a mean little thing when others were around, but when it was just him and I? He’d be so sweet. My first date was with Mark, Annie, and Joel to see 007: Tomorrow Never Dies… if you can call it a date. I was 12. My mom dropped us off and picked us up. Can you see why this story is cringe worthy?
Anyways, as time went on we were together and then not, and then were. It seemed like every time I was over it and trying to move on he’d drag my ass right back to him. He used to tease me every single morning at the bus stop before school, one day I got mad and shook up and soda and hucked it at his feet, and I swear if looks could kill he’d have stabbed me one hundred times over.
But this is the same boy who’d take walks in the rain, who would sit and talk for hours about the harder things he faced, who came to me when he needed help and stood up for me when I needed him to. This is also the same boy who disappointed me time and again and who would pretend I wasn’t around until he needed something from me. The same boy who’d write me love letters and draw pictures of cartoon characters for me, and the same boy who made me cry over and over.
I wonder if Annie remembers the summer he suddenly grew up, geez he grew into a handsome man.
I saw Mark again after I’d gotten married, after Hayden was born. Mark asked me why I hadn’t stuck around, why hadn’t I stayed with him. I’m fairly convinced he was drunk or stoned or both, but he asked it. I found myself feeling badly for him, and telling him I waited years, but he was far too late then. He asked me to stay with him, to not go home. I nearly laughed at the thought but realized he was serious. I’ll always have a soft spot for Mark, him being my first love and all, but there’s no way I’m gonna walk back into that disaster.
It’s been a few more years since then. I hear he found a lady he is quite fond of, and together, they have a beautiful little girl. While I’ll always wonder about him and even care for him if I saw him, I’d certainly be his friend, but I’d bet its safe to say I got over that drama a long time ago, and I’m glad he’s found himself a good place in life.
I’d agree that first loves last forever, but maybe not quite as love. I’ll never forget Mark, or how it felt at that young young age to be head over heels for him, but if I saw him today, I know it wouldn’t be the same.